


some kind of hero in disguise

by xslytherclawx



Series: the gang goes to public school [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Middle School, Canon Jewish Character, Canon LGBT character, Gen, Identity Reveal, Secret Identity, mentioned Five/Dolores, the rest of the gang is mentioned but they don't have speaking roles so i'm not clogging their tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-02-29 10:00:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18776002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xslytherclawx/pseuds/xslytherclawx
Summary: Most pre-teens' ideas of rebellion involves the stuff of teen movies: sneaking out, stealing cigarettes, or loitering.For the Hargreeves siblings, their idea of rebellion is more along the lines of enrolling in a local middle school – actually, that's exactly what it is.No, Dave doesn't understand it, either.





	some kind of hero in disguise

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came up on the discord server, and I needed to write it, so here we are.
> 
> I once posted a fic where the characters argued over which Chris was the best Chris, so this is not even the dumbest thing I've posted on this website. That said, this is not Serious Fic examining their trauma or how they'd interact with kids their age. Also Dave is in their time period, because I like him.

The Hargreeves siblings were weird – although it must be said that this had nothing to do with the fact that they were clearly superheroes who were  _ terrible _ at keeping their secret identities  _ secret. _ That was mostly just funny. 

Especially when Allison had forgotten to take her domino mask off when she’d come back to history after Dr. Terminal’s latest heist, and then had tried to play it off like she’d disappeared to go  _ cosplay _ The Rumor. It wasn’t difficult to see that she was the  _ only person _ in the entire school who never spread a rumor – and no one thought it was because she was too much of a goody two shoes.

Or there was the time that someone claimed that the Joker was about to blow up a hospital – and Luther had jumped up and said that he needed a hall pass  _ “right now, _ please!” – only to sit back down when Diego told him that the Joker was Batman’s archnemesis and, you know, fictional.

It was a running bet among all of the other students to see how long it would take one of the Hargreeves siblings to realise that everyone knew that they were the Umbrella Academy. After all, domino masks and a costume didn’t do much to hide your appearance. They hadn’t even changed their last name!

Really, Dave  _ wasn’t _ going to say anything. He wasn’t. But then Klaus disappeared right before their turn in improv at drama club, because the Murder Magician was loose again – and, yeah, okay, Dave knew that Klaus, as the Séance, had to help his siblings stop the supervillain. He didn’t begrudge him that. But Klaus leaving meant that Dave had to do improv with Ashley Jackson, who, while perfectly nice, did not understand the fundamental rule of “yes, and…” when it came to improv.

Dave couldn’t help but be a little annoyed when Klaus came back. Klaus was the  _ best _ in the entire drama club when it came to improv, and he’d never been paired with him before. And, well, if he were honest, he sort of had a crush on him. And he sort of thought maybe Klaus might have a crush on him, too.

He was, after all, the only person Klaus ever apologised to.

“Shit, Dave, I’m sorry,” Klaus said. “I – I just had this, like,  _ explosive _ diarrhea! I had to get out of there as quick as possible. I’ll make up to you, I promise!”

The problem with Klaus being so  _ good _ at improv was that he was a very  _ creative _ liar.

“I have to get going,” Dave said. “I have Hebrew school. We’ll talk about it later, but I’m not mad.” Just a little annoyed and disappointed, but it wasn’t  _ Klaus’s _ fault that he was a superhero. He hadn’t picked that life.

Klaus grinned. Dave knew he was hopeless, really, but who could blame him? There was no one else like Klaus Hargreeves in the world – even if you discounted the fact that he was probably the only person in the world who could  _ actually _ talk to the dead. There was something special about him.

* * *

Klaus sat down next to him at lunch the next day. “Good afternoon, Davey! I brought cookies! Homemade!”

Dave stared as Klaus pulled a huge tupperware container out of his backpack. “You  _ baked?” _

“No,” Klaus said. “My mom did. But they’re still homemade.” He opened the container and offered it to Dave, who took one. “I promise they’re good.”

Dave tried his cookie. Klaus was right, of course. They were  _ really _ good. Peanut butter chocolate chip. “Do you want to hang out after school?” Dave definitely didn’t want to go into the whole secret identity thing at school.

“I’d love to,” Klaus said. “But don’t you have Hebrew school?”

Dave shook his head. “Not today.”

“Then sure,” Klaus said. 

“Great!”

“But we can’t hang out at my house. We’re – uh, renovating! Adding a second ballroom, you know.”

Klaus’s house wasn’t being renovated, Dave was sure. It was the Umbrella Academy mansion. So Dave nodded and bit back a snarky comment. “We can probably go over to my place. My parents will still be at work, and my brothers shouldn’t bother us too much.”

“Okay,” Klaus said. “Cool.”

“We can just take the bus,” Dave said. “Meet me outside of the library?”

“Absolutely. Oh, and I can tell you all about Five’s internet girlfriend,” Klaus said. Like it was perfectly normal to have a brother named  _ Five.  _ “Luther thinks she’s a bot, Diego thinks she’s an FBI agent. I think he’s gay. I mean, she lives in  _ Canada.” _

“Aren’t  _ you _ gay?” Dave asked. He’d thought he’d heard Klaus mention it before, and it was as good a chance as any.

Klaus gasped and slapped his palm to his chest in mock offense. “David Katz, how  _ dare _ you? You know perfectly well that I’m bi.”

“My apologies,” Dave said. He focused on his cookie and hoped he wasn’t blushing too much. So what if Klaus was bi? He wasn’t going to date someone with a secret double life – not without knowing it for sure.

“You’re lucky you’re adorable,” Klaus said. “Otherwise, I might never forgive you.”

“You think I’m adorable?” 

“I  _ know _ you’re adorable,” Klaus said, taking a cookie from the tupperware and eating it.

* * *

And so, three and a half hours later, Dave unlocked his front door as Klaus rocked back and forth on his heels next to him. 

“What’s this?” Klaus asked, pointing to the mezuzah.

“It’s called a mezuzah. We put them on our doorposts. There’s a prayer inside.”

“‘We’?”

“Jewish people,” Dave said. “It’s a commandment.”

“I thought there were only ten of those,” Klaus said.

“There’s the Ten Commandments, but there’s six hundred and thirteen commandments in the Torah.”

Klaus whistled. “That’s a lot.”

“Some are more important than others,” Dave said. He managed to unlock the door and held it open for Klaus, who stepped inside. “Like saving a life is more important than  _ anything _ else.”

“That makes sense,” Klaus said.

Dave followed him inside and locked the door behind them.

“Dave, your house is so  _ nice,” _ Klaus said. “Very homey.”

“Thanks,” Dave said. 

“No, I mean, you can tell that a family actually lives here – are those  _ baby pictures?” _ He rushed over to look at the frames lining the wall. 

Oh, god, Klaus was looking at his baby pictures on the wall. “Two thirds of them are my brothers,” Dave said.

“You were cuter,” Klaus said.

Dave felt his cheeks flush, but said, “You don’t even know which ones are me.”

“I don’t need to,” Klaus said with a shrug. “I know you. Jesus, you all look so happy in your family portrait. We get one done every year, and we all look miserable.”

Dave didn’t quite know what to say. Everything he could think of sounded inappropriate or insincere.

“I don’t think you ever said what your parents do,” Klaus said.

“My mom’s a lawyer, and my dad’s a math professor. They met at Hillel in college. Hillel’s like – a Jewish student group.”

“Oh, that’s so cool,” Klaus said.

“We can go to my room if you want?”

“Yeah!” Klaus said. “Lead the way!”

So Dave did. It felt weird having Klaus in his room, but in the moment, he was mostly just glad he’d never had any Umbrella Academy posters or action figures. That would just be awkward.

“Okay, so – Five,” Klaus said, flopping down on Dave’s bed like he’d done it a million times. “He’s got this girlfriend, right? Says she lives in Canada. He’s never met her – they just go on those chat rooms online and  _ talk.” _

“And you don’t think she’s real?” Dave asked. He sat down on the bed.

“I think he’s making the whole thing up,” Klaus said. “Luther thinks she’s either a bot or a spy. Diego swears she’s an FBI agent. Allison and Ben kinda think she’s, like, not  _ not _ a person, but also maybe not a thirteen-year-old girl like she tells Five she is. Vanya’s the only one who believes him.”

“Why don’t you believe him?”

“Dave, come on,” Klaus said. His gorgeous green eyes met Dave’s. Shit, he was a goner. “An  _ internet girlfriend in Canada. _ That’s  _ peak _ closeted gay behavior. And he’s so sketchy about it! He won’t tell  _ any _ of us how he met her!”

“...Okay,” Dave said. That made sense. “What about Luther and Diego?”

“Oh, they’re just stupid and paranoid. Diego’s probably more paranoid than stupid, and Luther’s more stupid than paranoid, but…” He shrugged.

“Klaus, do you actually  _ like _ any of your siblings?”

“I like Allison,” he said. “Vanya and Ben are okay. Five’s… fine when he’s not being a little shit. And I like Diego! Just not when he’s claiming Five’s internet girlfriend is an FBI agent trying to see if our father is an unfit parent. Like, how stupid could you be? Why would an FBI agent want to monitor  _ us?” _

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Dave asked.

Klaus propped himself up on an elbow. “What?”

“Why would an FBI agent try to monitor your brother Five?”

“Yeah. Why do you think they’d try that?”

“Klaus,” Dave said. “I know who you are.”

“Yeah,” Klaus said. “I’m Klaus.”

“Dude. Seriously. You’re not subtle. None of you are subtle.”

“Subtle about what?” Klaus asked.

Oh, god, did he actually have to say it outright? “Klaus, you guys didn’t even change your name when you registered at our school. Just because Vanya’s not in the Academy, for some reason, doesn’t mean we don’t all  _ know _ it’s you.”

Klaus sat up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Dave said. “But you know – I can help you with alibis and stuff.”

“What makes you think I’m even one of those kids, anyway? Aren’t they, like, not even allowed in public unless they’re saving the day?”

“Klaus. Your last name is Hargreeves. There’s seven of you, and six of you look a lot like the Academy kids. Every time there’s a crisis, the six of you desperately need to be somewhere else. Last month, Allison forgot to take her mask off before she came back to class – and she’s the only person in school who’s never told a rumor, because it’ll come true. And your domino masks and costumes don’t really do anything to hide your appearance. Besides, you weren’t in the bathroom when we were supposed to do improv the other day.”

“And you… want to help?” Klaus asked.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

It was now or never. “Because I like you.”

“You…  _ like _ me?” Klaus repeated.

“Yeah.”

_ “Why?” _

“Because you’re kind and good and warm and just as weird as I am. And it’s really nice not being the only weird kid around.”

“You were the weird kid?” Klaus asked.

“Sure I was,” Dave said. “That’s why we get along so well. Klaus, my bar mitzvah party is going to be  _ Doctor Who _ themed.”

“Okay,” Klaus said. “Maybe you have a point.”

“Of course I do,” Dave said. “I can help you come up with alibis that  _ aren’t _ about diarrhea.”

“Okay, but listen,” Klaus said. “Dave. David. Davey.”

“Yeah?”

“Diarrhea is a  _ perfect _ alibi! No one asks for details!”

“Maybe once or twice, but if you keep using it, people are going to start asking if you’re really sick.”

“...That might be a good point,” Klaus said. 

“I tend to make those.”

“Okay,” Klaus said. “Fine. Yeah. I’m the Séance. Which is like, really, just the  _ worst _ power. Seeing dead people.”

“I can imagine,” Dave said.

“Like, Allison can manipulate reality, Luther has super strength, Diego can curve anything he throws  _ and _ breathe underwater, Five can jump through space, and – okay, Ben’s power is shittier than mine, and Vanya doesn’t  _ have _ one – at least I don’t think she does? Dad would have told us if she did – so I guess it could be  _ worse, _ but…”

“If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen,” Dave said. “I might not really understand it, but I’ll listen.”

Klaus sighed. “David Katz, you are an  _ angel.” _

“I hope not,” Dave said. “Angels are  _ terrifying.  _ Have you read about angels? Like, in the actual Bible?”

“Fine,” Klaus said. “You’re not an angel. You’re a wonderful, thoughtful, amazing person.”

Dave felt himself blush again. “You’re amazing, too. And I’m not – I’m not talking about your powers.”

“So!” Klaus said. Dave couldn’t help but notice that he was blushing, too. “I hope I’m invited to your bar mitzvah.”

“Of course,” Dave said. “It’s in two months. I’ll even hand deliver your invitation.”

Klaus grinned. “I’ll be waiting.”

**Author's Note:**

> Expect a sequel about Five and Dolores.
> 
> You can also come bother me on [tumblr](http://xslytherclawx.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
